Friday, November 18, 2005

swerly man

i havent updated in a while
mostly because ive been a bum
lots of fun stuff HAS happened but i just havent had the energy or the soberity to blog about it
never you mind , im back now

okay lets start some time back

the day before my birthday
our "lets chiong coca with everyone of the troops" plan became a "lets chiong marina with a few troops" . Lets see , me , jj , marcus , bensong , haan , duane , timothy and fuck la i cant remember if anyone else came ..
anyway
we were like retards la . We were so fucking scared of the fire . We put like a mountain of butter on our grill and it ended up splattering all over us . And we were all screaming like girls . We were like cooking our food from like a foot away from the table , occasionally moving in to turn food around . fucking funny shit la
all the people around us were staring at us
then timothy finally realized the prawns on the table were still alive . hahahahah he was so fucking scared la hahahaahha . he lifted up the lid to take one prawn and it moved its leg and he SCREAMED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH . fucking funny
then those bastards jj haan and ben wanted to throw prawns at him and me . then they were throwing the prawns across the restaurant and we were blocking the prawns with chairs hahahahahahahaha . tim and me are fucking pussies i tell you . fucking funny la

sometime after that we went to play lan at far east . then at midnight those fuckers took off my tshirt and snapped a picture of my fucking pacman tattoo ... bastards .. then threw my t shirt around and made me run after it . fucking cocksuckers .. but thanks for it still guys : )

on my actual birthday itself , some of the brothers came over earlier to be interrogated by my father . My dad asked them stupid fucking questions like why i got retained and basically took great pleasure in making them all feel really uncomfortable .... but after that he was laughing and joking with all the fuckers . my party was quite fun i guess , lots of people that were important to me came so yeah that was good . After the party we all chionged to holland v to do absolutely nothing ... from there we went to jj's house and got drunk and fell asleep in his playroom LOL . I got some really awesome presents , thanks guys !

marcus /hoho- 1 litre bottle of vodka OMFG SWEEEEEEEEEEE ... my companion on lonely nights ( which is pretty much every night lol )
charm/eileen - THE COOLEST belt buckle i have EVER seen . It can spin , but no its not some nigga spinning kinda thing . its cool and its PUNK not HIPHOP .. THANKS SO MUCH GUYS !
kassandra - the coolest TRIBAL earrings ive ever seen ( hahaha see how language can distort ? ) , an awesome belt which ive been wearing everywhere , and this uber cool cap with a naked woman on it hahahahahahahahahahahahah
lester/adelyn - hahahahah this really cool pair of slippers which i like
jon/joy - a really funky belt to match my belt buckle and an even funkier fucking tie . hahaahaha , now i can go to thailand with my thai and be a thai-thai and get my thais massaged .HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
jj - lots of alcohol and endless hours of amusement . thanks brother :)
weil/howie - my nonexistant WOW gamecard which has yet to arrive but at least they PLAN to buy it for me sometime soon :D
hanloong- a 200ml bottle of CK be :) thanks man !

and a TON more cool stuff , although this is the stuff i liked the most . The fact that all these really cool people came to spend the day with me was awesome enough :)

fucking nabei cheebye lanjiao bin hong gan !!!
i lost my new wallet la knn
fuck spider ! i was fucking careless la cb must have left it at the far east lan shop . Then the pui kia whos in love with jj must have picked it up to satisfy her cravings for becoming an even puier pui kia . hahahah this pui kia actually has a secret lust for JJ hahahah , she always flirts with him , and the other day she gave him an extra token lol ... looks like jj is into BBW hahahahahahhaahahhahahahahaha BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN .. actually no shes fat and fucking ugly .. FAT FUCKING UGLY MONSTER , FFUM . HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Ive been pretty bored and shit , so im going to go work soon . I start work tomorrow actually with divian and sugy . Fuck those 2 bastards are like so fucking muscular and strong and im a tiny fool compared to those 2 giant bastards lol . The job involves lots of industrial work and all la so hopefully i can manage woodworking and metal cutting and shit like that hahahahaha .
Need to fucking get more money to pay all the fuckers back money i owe them , and to get more TATTOOS hahaahahhaha . What the fuck else is money for . As i told everyone the other day .
apart from wanting to do well in school and all , all i want right now is the girl and a FUCKLOT more tattoos . That will keep me happy :)

although im not too happy now heh . no need to blog about it la knn . if you need to know you already would know why . if not diam diam and fuck off far far understand ?
hahaha kidding la but you probably wont want to know anyway _|_

swerly man

life has its ups and downs eh ?
as i write this my parents arent home yet and my good friend absolut is next to me haha
but i guess life is pretty fun too sometimes eh ?

swerly i need to start blogging about safaris and shit more , i need to start blogging about endangered species , i need to blog about BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON hahahahahahah

swerly man

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

its hammer time !!!

lol
swerly
akesh wanted to show me he was a big fuck
all he showed me in the end was that hes a big fucking pussy
after wanting to fight one on one and talking jack smack all the way, when it came down to actually fighting he turned into a fucking small cheebye mouse like jerry , and i was the fucking coolio cat Tom ah . Only thing is unlike the cartoon , the cat actually owned the fucking cheebye mouse la .
he wanna tio tio tio tio , all the fucking way to tioman (thanks leang leang) but in the end fucking no balls and apologise like fucking alot la . begging for forgiveness and mercy from execution.
so i reluctantly offered clemency lol
fucking useless cock , now you know your fucking place in the fucking food chain

level 7 omega prime swee swee
triad/yakuza/russian mafia / other mafia etc (fucking those other planet super alien fish that have lasers on their foreheads and other coolio mongolio shit )

level 6
singapore geylang gangsters

level 5
2o plus year old people

level 4
our age sibei big fuck gangsters

level 3
jiajun / haan hui , all those fucking sibei hiong ones , owning people is a sport/hobby/way of life lol - those like fucking hammerhead sharks la ( haan huis case is california bald eagle and jj maybe killer whale or some kinda whale lol )

level 2
marcus , me , jonc , hoho etc etc etc la (sorry sian to name la ) ( those fucking crazy dolphins tio experimented on by the US government then sometimes can own sharks also , but still very handsome and cute )

level 1
teenage gangster ( those like jellyfish la , small but still can sting abit , if theres alot and they all sting together fucking pain la , but still can cure with medicine haha )

level 0
normal people ( the mass of fish you see everywhere , when provoked sometimes can fuck you back )

CAUTION
prepare yourselves people we are now reaching the nether levels of existance in the food chain
you may see some seriously fucked up names here that may forever mangle and scare you . ( hint it starts with a b )

nether level 1
penis face lester __:)
HAHAAHA kidding lol lester is up there with us

but really nether level 1
useless fuckers like angel fish and all la , those nerdy bastards wear those fucking thick spectacles and tight pants at their navels lol .


nether level 2

useless fuckers like those sucker fish cheebye always leeching off people and going around like gangsters

nether level 3 omfg hellspawn u go near become a stupid pua chee bye
b
o
o
n
hhahahahahahahahahahahaha

nether level 4
akesh
hes fucking tu di
mud ground
useless piece of shit plankton hahahahahaah



marcus is a de nao
he thought he was fucking zeus bringing a fucking hammer
looks like hes trying to be a carpenter

eh paiseh la , i forgot alot of the shit was supposed to write , you fuckers remind me later and il write a new entry.

swerly

Sunday, November 06, 2005

everybody hates chelsea

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah

fuck you understand chelsea

and anyone else who thinks manutd are past their prime or sir alex ferguson should be cleaning horse testicles , FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND ?

manchester united fucking owned chelsea so fucking badly its going to fucking hurt harder than when they fuck each other up the ass in the dressing room .

fuck off far far far away and hide your fucking cheebye cockroach face , all those who said man utd would lose . _|_ _|_


anyway all of you have seen the show everybody loves raymond
fuck , robert is like duane , a fucking gigantic giant that everyone bullies but still loves alot

DUANE LIKES EILEEN
HAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

well lets see just why everyone hates chelsea and whos that ONE person in the chelsea team that people all pretend they like but deep down hate the most .

Petr Cech - fucking looks like he should be in harry potter ( most of the chelsea team should be in harry potter along with boon as some of those fuck-ugly magical creatures ) . Half the fucking time looks like he wants to fuck madame maxime or something la . Fucking moron looks perpetually drunk and hungover . He's so nervous on the ball like its a fucking bomb , wants to get rid of it as fast as possible . verdict - fucking condemnded to dog fucking hell

Asier Del Horno - how Del Horny . Horny for 2 reasons . He thinks hes some fucking rhino person thing is it . He thinks got a fucking horn on his head so he can charge in front and jump into the fucking manchester united net . Fuck you understand , just cause on your side is darren fletcher doesnt mean you can leave it empty , go back and fucking defend you spanish bastard .
think what ? bull taming is it knn , see all the manchester united players in red wanna go hump their asses is it you faggot fuck .
verdict - condemned to fucking spanish conquistador hell to get raped by bulls for the rest of his faggot fuck life

William Gallas - fuck la , he actually played quite well . Hes generally quite quiet except when hes talking out against his OWN team for not paying him enough . Wants to go to barcelona and i hope he does cause hes quite a good player . But despite all this everyone still hates him secretly cause hes a fucking chelsea player . Fuck you chelsea .
verdict - fuck off far far to barcelona

Renato Paulo Ferreira - fucker looks like some good boy school boy fucktard . But hes a fucking cheating dirty bastard . fuck you man just cause you suck you think you can go around pulling and elbowing people is it . you better fucking watch out la , roy keane call his irish gin nah down come and fucking bash you with their shamrocks then you know .
verdict - confirm tio bashed by irish gin nah

John Terry - fuck him la try to save fletchers shot but too fucking short and useless to save . hes got fucked up hair also . But okay la , hes still the second best central defender in england after Rio cause campbell is fucking delusional and paranoid and thinks the world "is after him" and "out to get me " . verdict - fucktard but he needs to help england win the world cup so his condemnation to dog hell postponed a bit

Frank Lampard - Lam Par la you cheebye kia . Whole day talk big wanna fight fight fight with everyone . Alan smith stare at you already wanna fucking cry to the faggot referee . The ref damn faggot man , always touching touching and patting everyone . wtf man . Lampard is good la , but hes a fucker talk big only la , another one i hope does well for england man .
verdict - after world cup gonna tio bashed by alan smith gin nah

Joe Cole / Damien Duff - These 2 fuckers also damn useless , whole day sitting there doing jackfucking shit and drinking Duff beer tryin to be homer fucking simpson . Their both quite useless although Cole is more useless . Everyone hates these fuckers too . Cause they joined chelsea , they used to be nice sweet young popular boys until they transformed into hellspawn at this fuckrot club .verdict - die from alcohol poisoning from drinking too much duff

Michael Essien - fucking cocksucker face . Looks like some kind of tuft haired babboon from swaziland , only this one is from Ghana . Fuck-haired babboon of Ghana . Fucker is a waste of money and just uses his huge pui kia size to go around outmuscling people la . Useless fuck . Get a new haircut la you dogface its so fucking ugly .
verdict - currently on the endangered species list , will be extinct within the next 20 years like the fucking dodo and wooly mammoth .

Claude Makele - what kind of fucked up name is makele ? can you imagine ? Jean Claude Makele ? all the fuckers will laugh la . This guy we all just hate him cause hes a fucker wearing the chelsea blue la , but actually hes quite okay . Just play football and diam diam most of the time . He used to act damn tua pai kia but now see that alan smith is the ultimate gin nah tao , hes also scared man . verdict- retire to legoland in the next 2-3 years

Didier Drogba - FUCKING USELESS MONKEY FACE . Look at his fucking monkey face . fucking ugly . And whats up with his fucking hair ? only boon has fucking uglier hair , and already that means drogba is quite fucking condemned . He actually sucks damn badly you know , and he also sucks mourinhos cock quite a bit also , which is why he always plays instead of the SIBEI handsome crespo and the icelandic nautical diver Gudjohnsen who cant stop diving on the fucking field also . He always miskicks the ball and somehow the gods of luck always smile upon his fuckface and let the ball go in . what the fuck man . Biggest waste of money EVER , after that bald bastard Juan Veron . fucking argentine moustache fucker .

verdict - tied up and anally raped by bangla construction workers , then raped by horses and finally raped by an entire african tribe with bigger-than-horse dicks .
If hes still alive , let him get fucked by a blue whale , maybe the dick will reach his fucking monkey brain and spark something .


Jose Mourinho - useless fuck . talk big only . nothing to say about him la . Hes a fucking stupid arrogant fucker who thinks hes damn big . Win also kao pei . Lose also Kao pei . Fucking wtf man . DRAW also kao pei . KNN always not happy la he . hes going to get fucking bashed up by Sir Alex Ferguson's Scottish dockside gin nah . And ferguson's horses are going to fuck him so hard he will wish he was at the REAL rock of gibraltar (ferguson has a super Zai damn pro horse named rock of gibraltar ) .


sorry to all the girls who dont understand soccer ( you know who you are ^^ ) , but this was really a turning point in the english premier league season :)

fuck you understand chelsea

next time more boon filled entries

swerly man