swerly man

You know life is a fucking mother fucking shit piss cunt motherfucker bitch . I wish I could slap life a good one , but life’s not quite like that . Sometimes in life things fuck up and you don’t always get the things you want . No matter how fucking badly you want them , or how fucking good your intentions are .Sometimes you cry and piss and make a big deal out of it and moan like a wilderbeast . Other times you take a knife , hold it to your wrists and just as your about to slit them say “ fucking hell , I know whats wrong with me ! “ and slit your penis off (guys only la ) . Sometimes you just stand on the roof of your school and want to be alone from everyone , with all the peace . You get a little adventurous and climb around a bit , you fall down and die (obviously) and everyone says you committed fucking motherfuck suicide cause you were on the roof in the first place . Sometimes you just pick yourself and move on to better things . I’m pretty fucking pissed with life now , everyone is at some point , just to varying degrees . But fuck la aiyoh all my fans expecting to see some coolio amigo funny shit entry come and see this kinda pussy ass faggot shit … not good man … so sometimes you need to just smile and bear with it all and hope it all goes away , try to spend time away from your problems and just pray pray pray that everything works out cause you know you know someday something will click and you’ll get what you want . Obviously consuming large portions of alcohol on a nightly basis helps to get you to sleep . And no I am not talking about myself getting retained . IMO retaining aint no big shit , ive seen so many friends of mine retained . Just look at the bald bastard haan hui , he was a fucking retainee before but he did so much better than me for promos . So retaining is no big shit , whoever got retained just fucking relax la . Have a bit of fun in the next 5 mths and maybe retaining wont be so bad for you . Retaining has been pretty alright for me seeing how I did jackshit the whole year . Some people say your wasting a year . But ill never look at it that way , ive made some of the best friends ever and met the most amazing people who’ve had a tremendous FUCKING GIGANTIC impact on my life . I guess its time I grew up anyway and became more mature and stopped acting like a 12 year old . Eh but you all don’t need to run away from my blog yet la , im still going to be the same fucker who scolds everyone fuck 20 times in a sentence . So FUCKING RELAX AND STOP CRYING LA AND DON’T PRETEND YOUR NOT CRYING LA YOU LYING FUCKERS I KNOW THIS WAS REALLLY SAD

HAHAHAHAHAHA

don’t worry la ill still be funny even if im not so fine :)

anyway now the nonsense is over , lets get to the serious stuff

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KASSANDRA !!!!!

after everything you didn’t think id forget THIS right ?

ok

CSI:Malaysia

CSI as you all know is a really popular and fucking cool show .

The show takes place in several areas , Las vegas Miami and New York . For those of you that don’t know , its about forensics in these really fucking cool cases . Obviously for those of you that have watched CRIME WATCH , TRUE FILES , and oh my fucking god , Triple 9 with james lye hahahaha , you will know that Singaporean criminal cases are just TOO fucking cool for vegas,Miami and newyork and therefore are too cool to write about . However just across the causeway ( where u can sometimes still get Singapore reception for your handphone or your radio ) theres Malaysia !

The fucking huge country that pretty much looks like a jungle with some roads and highways running right through the middle . When your driving down the highway on both sides you trees .Sometimes some cows and farmers but that’s it . Occasionally these roads fork out and lead to these places that have real civilization – OMG really ?

Malaysia is so fucking big that you can pretty much get away with any except being a bad muslim . No im fucking serious , you can murder someone and get away with it , but If you do something against the religion of islam they’ll fuck you up right away. Shows just how good the religious police is and how fucking useless the regular police is .

If you murder someone in Malaysia , HOW THE FUCK are they going to find out you did it huh ? Theres so many fucking jungles … you just throw the body somewhere there and the body will just disappear . One of the forest people (boon’s family) will start feasting on the corpse and then everyone else will join in hahahaha . In Singapore if you tried that , some fucking extra idiot with nothing better to do would go hiking in some FUCKING remote part of the jungle for fuck knows what and suddenly see a hand coming out of the ground and SCREAM like a pussy ! Malaysia their all too used to seeing hands and legs and heads lying every where . What do you think they eat with all that fucking rice they grow ?

Aaron was telling me you can just stab someone or fucking bash up someone and the police cant do anything to you . What the fuck man , if its really like that means they should invite Konami to have their King of Fighters 2006 Tournament in Malaysia and then all those coolio characters they have in their game can just take all those funny looking pai kias with green and pink hair .

Imagine going to the police in Malaysia and saying your best friend was murdered .

you : hi I’d like to make a police report , my friend was murdered by some gangsters

police “officer” 1 : 200 rm

you : um no I don’t want to buy anything I just want to make a police report

police “officer” 1 : 200 rm

you : err . why are you asking me for money to do your job

police “officer” 1 : 200 rm

You : what the fuck do you want 200rm for ?

police “officer” 1 : coffee

you : wtf . even starbucks isn’t that expensive la bro …

police “officer” 2 : PAY !

police “officer” 1 : yes must pay !!!

you : fuck you guys what kinda useless shit head police officers are you guys !!!

police “officers” in unison : HANTAM DIA !!!!!! ( whack him !! )

they start bashing poor you up for insulting a police officer

after their done they ask you to pay 400 rm EACH for the beating .

obviously you refuse . They decide your useless destroyed mangled shattered broken battered bruised body is too useless to pound on and they whisper to each other about what horrible cruel thing they can do to you .

they tie you up standing up and make you face a wall with a picture that’s covered with padlocks / curtains and fucking a lot of other things . You think their going to bash the shit out of you again . They both run out of the room and put on protective goggles and suits . They then open that picture.

OMG … ITSS .ITSSS .ITSSS ………BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON !!!!!!

obviously you suffer in terrible horrible agony from staring only at that fucking fucked up face of a tuft hair baboon from Swaziland and sometimes Congo .

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

disclaimer : the Malaysian police in real life are actually really cool and probably do their jobs really well . This sorta thing could probably happen in any country other than Singapore . Why ? Cause Singapore’s police is just too damn cool man . You slap your wife , they get 10 guys to slap your dick till its bleeding . That’s how they fuck you . Don’t mess with the Singapore police . And don’t do drugs and gangs you stupid motherfucker , they will fuck you EVEN harder and faster and in more places and by more people for doing shit like that .

I’m sure most of you have read that fucking stupid comic in primary school about Constable Acai ( I think it was really Ah Chai ) . Next time I’ll write about Constable Boon . hahahahahahahahaha

swerly man